The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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