I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize