Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
