Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
