the condom got lost in my hair
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
