They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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