i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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