The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
