ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm eating all of the evidence.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
