genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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