Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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