some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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