I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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