Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
