She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
