remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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