A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
