I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
