my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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