dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
