Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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