I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
