I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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