So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
