I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize