Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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