The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
