OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
