You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
