Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
