he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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