i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
