I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
