He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
