i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
