Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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