and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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