I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
how does that bad decision feel?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
