Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
