you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
