So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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