glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He uses pillows to masturbate.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
