You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize