you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
