what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
