Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
