just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
