OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
