so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
