What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
