It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize