Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
