***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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