I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
