i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
