shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
