What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize