i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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