I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
