Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize