He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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