We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
