just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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